Guilty. That's right, guilty. Hang your heads in shame. How many of you are guilty of doing things while driving that you simply shouldn't be? Busying yourselves while behind the wheel is a problem not only for you but for me, too.

Check out the list below of some of the things I've seen yawl do while on the road, then arrange to meet with your clergyman to beg for forgiveness. Shame, shame, shame on you!

And, as a bonus, we've dropped in a very funny video of things you've probably never even considered doing while driving, like heroin or ecstasy! It's in German, but the language of humor is universal!



1) Putting on makeup and fussin' with your hair. This goes out to all you heifers who are just too lazy to get the job done at home. Your car is not a beauty salon. Get up a little earlier and beat your faces up the right way -- in front of your bathroom or bedroom mirrors. The lighting in a car is never bright enough anyway, so 10 times out of 10, you end up looking like you're going to Mardi Gras.

2) Smoking a cigarette. How many times have I seen motorists drop those cancer sticks on their outfits and make sudden jerky moves with their vehicles? Haven't you ruined enough items of clothing?

3) Eating while driving. Why must you stuff your mouths in the car? And to all you coffee drinkers, why bait the devil? How many times have you all burned yourselves with hot concoctions? Do near-misses give you a thrill every time they happen?

4) Drinking. You should all be familiar with the stats. You've seen the news items and campaigns. If you plan on indulging, bring your no-drinkin' cousin Rolo with you. Let him carry your drunk behind home safely.

5) Changing clothes. What the...! Why would any of us want to see Big Shirley change from her postal uniform to her party clothes in plain view. Have mercy!

6) Doin' the do. Keep this mess behind closed doors. Remember there are children all about, and they don't need to see porn on wheels. Have some class, don't show your a**.

7) Doing drugs. Perception, vision, reflexes, hearing. Everything is affected when you take drugs and then attempt to get behind that wheel. Nothing funny here. For those of you who are getting your high on then want to make a munchies runs, try calling Domino's instead. They deliver!

8) Playing scratch-offs or checking your Lotto numbers. You know this just ain't in the cards for you. The only thing you're going to hit is... watch out!

9) Texting. DEGT. (Don't Even Go There)

10) Talking on the phone. I don't recommend doing this even if it's hands free. Whatever it is, Peanut and 'dem can just leave a message.

In all seriousness, 80 percent of car accidents occur while drivers are distracted. If you are guilty of any one of these bad driving behaviors, it's time for a change before it's too late.